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The Journey to Self Love + Starting Merfs Condiments

confidence hot sauce journaling love love notes self care self love wellness

Hey y’all, I am the owner and operator of Merfs Condiments, a condiment company based in Denver, Colorado and I’m also the owner and operator of Primal Womxn, a lifestyle company that offers nutrition and wellness support and education for busy women ages 25-45 to optimize physical and mental health as the keys to longevity and thriving. Today, I am going to give you some information about self-love and how it has absolutely transformed my life.

Self-love is the foundation of wellness. We create space for transformation by nourishing our physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual selves. Self-love is a daily practice that is nurtured by self-care, a relationship with a higher power, and a firm belief that we are worthy of our lives.

I grew up in an often chaotic alcoholic home. I had (and still have) the sense that I am fundamentally flawed, that God makes mistakes, and that I am unlovable.

Like so many in food and beverage, I turned to cigarettes, weed, and alcohol, because I simply did not possess any healthy coping skills. Alcoholism initially relieved my feelings, but it gradually turned my life into a nightmare. I got sober and started a program of recovery and about 1.5 years in, I still believed I was unlovable. It was suggested to me to start a journaling practice that included the following: gratitude lists, lists of good behaviors, and love notes.

Gratitude Lists: I notice 3-5 things every day that I’m grateful for like coffee, a warm bed, and tasty food.

Lists of Good Behaviors: I notice 3-5 things I did yesterday that were right and good like eating a healthy lunch or calling my mom.

Love Notes: I write letters to myself like I would write a lover. Kelly, I love you. Kelly, you’re the most important person in the world to me. Kelly you’re brave and strong and wonderful. Kelly I will always be there for you.

Initially, I thought the exercises were stupid, but when I was so desperate to feel different, I stuck to them with gusto. Slowly, but surely, I started to feel different, and better than I had before. The effects of these practices were cumulative: they got better with every passing day. I started to see myself in a way I never had before: worthy of love and having the right to be myself and take up space while doing it.

My personal transformation paved the way for the creation of Merfs Condiments. I'm often asked how I worked up the courage to start my own company. The answer is that once I started to really nourish my body and soul through compassionate self love, my beliefs about my abilities changed. I started to see myself as capable, hard-working, determined, and incredibly smart. I believed that I made the best hot sauce, and that the world needed to try it. Here we are 7 years later, and I still believe. Live spicy!

How are y'all engaging in self care today? How do you show yourself love? 


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